Mia Sorella

Ciao carissimi,

Come state?

This week was probably the hardest week of my mission thus far. Because I was in a city I didn't know with a comp I didn't know and I didn't know how or when or why I was there for. But I learned a lot. I was humbled incredibly every day. And I'm really grateful for days that bring new beginnings.

So I am back in Rome right now in a trio with Rome 6, because my companion Sorella Workman had to return to America as of this morning because her stomach pain was getting worse and literally all the Italian doctors are on ferragosto :( which is basically a made up holiday so that they don't have to work for the whole month of August. So today we deep cleaned all day because nothing is open and no one is here. Rome feels empty and it is pretty eerie. But I was very sad to leave my beloved Sorella workman, but hopefully she will be able to get actual medical help in America.

Also I got my luggage back which means I got to read my scriptures this morning! Woot woot! You never know how much you love things until they are gone. And then you are gratefully reunited :)

One cool experience we had this week was visiting this member in Ostia. And she is really old and got an infection in her foot. And her husband doesn't like the Sorelle so he never lets them come to their house, but we were able to visit her for a short while because of her foot. It was incredibly humbling experience, because here she is up making Pranzo for her husband who hates the missionaries while her foot is huge and swollen and blue, and she is crying because she is feeling the spirit so much. We talked about the atonement with her and I felt prompted to share Mosiah 24:14 with her. That scripture has really brought peace to me on my mission, and I saw that it brought peace to her. Because even though she has a thousand things to be bitter about, she is still following the Lord and accepting whatever his will is for her with faith, even though it is hard. I can't really describe it, but it had been a hard day and once we visited her, we came out realizing how fortunate we are. Fortunate that we have the opportunity to help these people who have such hard circumstances, especially with their families, keep holding strong to the rod and putting their faith in Christ. I wanted to share a quote that I read this morning that helped me have more peace of mind. Proving to me more how much God knows us, and how much his Son knows us, because he suffered everything we suffered and bore everything we have borne, and will bear.

Our Savior, Jesus Christ, who sees from the beginning to the end, knew very well the road He would travel to Gethsemane and Golgotha when He proclaimed, “No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God” (Luke 9:62). In the sight of the Lord, it is not so much what we have done or where we have been but much more where we are willing to go.- Elder Edward Dube "look ahead and believe"

I know that to be so true! Where we have been and who we were does not define our future. Every day we can decided to be someone different that who we were yesterday. We don't have to keep doing the same things or getting stuck in the same ruts. But instead, we have the chance to try our very best to be our very best, each and every day, without letting tomorrow or yesterday affect that opportunity to be new. That is the greatest aspect of the atonement, in my opinion. The fact that we get so many new, fresh starts. And I think that is why we have so much change in life. Because God likes to give us second chances. He likes to help us mold into who we are supposed to be, by smoothing out the edges and encouraging us to break free of the things we used to be. He lets us start over so many times, and I love him with all my heart for that. Because sometimes we do not think we can move on, or time will pass, or the pain or the grief will leave us. But it does and it will. Because the Lord wants a future for us. And that future isn't just going to come by doing the same things and expecting different results. We have to have change in order to have growth! We cannot forget to thank him for the fresh starts, though, even when they seem disguised as bitter endings.

I have found for myself this week that it isn't where you are, it is who you are with. But more than that, it is who is with you. If the Lord is, if you let him in, he will guide you, he will answer those pleading prayers for peace and he will dry the tears you have cried as you ask him why. But maybe it's not about the why anymore. Maybe it's about the how. How can we endure well? How can we forget what we had in mind and let the Lord glorify all those wants we had and all our needs beyond our own meager comprehension? How can we do this, when it seems entirely unfeasible? We can't do it. That is the thing, without the Lord, we can't do it. But He can.

Vi voglio bene,

Sorella Jarnagin